Hi Cous,

How are you? We really need to book another Skype date soon! I’m sitting/working outside in my backyard. Today we have a short Friday and can actually finish work at 2pm, but it was a super short week for me. Monday was a stat holiday and on Tuesday I was sick. So I’m working… but I’m in the mood to write and soon I’ll be in the mood to exercise and then yoga – YEP, I’m crazy like that… but while the kids are away, I’m going to fit as much as I can in. Especially since it won’t be so easy to go to yoga when they are back. But I’ll figure out a way because I’m really digging it.

So why this title? I went for a walk with a girlfriend yesterday and we talked about “the things in my head” lol… She is very spiritual and believes that if we only verbalize or write down what it is that we want than we have a better chance of getting it than not. It’s like my ex SIL – she believes that we attract what we want to attract into our lives. I’m still working out all these things in my head – the things that they both believe in. All I know is that today I’m a little bit less selfish than in my younger years. I give more of myself to the people I care about and I’m more positive. Although I’ve technically always been a fairly positive person. I did have a few years where I probably wasn’t (rough time career and finance wise with my ex)… but then somewhere a long the lines I noticed that things do have a way of working out so I just kind of decided to become a glass half full rather than half empty kind of person (and as I type it starts raining… but like my mom says, I’m not made out of sugar.. unless of course it starts pouring, lol).

Anyways… I think that most of my friends from childhood to today would say I’m a fairly happy and optimistic person. You could say I’m high on life and it really is the little things that make me happy. A hearty dinner at my mom’s (often times more satisfying than a restaurant), a cuddle with my kids as we read or even while watching a movie, a glass of wine (or two or three) with a friend, the fresh scent outside after it rains, the caress of the wind as I sit here and type, hot chocolate at -15 and even shoveling snow! I know… we’ve already established I’m somewhat weird OR was it “fairly normal ;)” LOL…

I’ve cried a lot these past 2 years, but I decided that it doesn’t make me weak… it makes me human. It makes me feel. I also decided to stop saying things like “I only seem to be attracted to unavailable men”! I know.. you’re wondering.. where the hell did that come from? WELL it something I uttered a lot recently and then I just had to stop myself and really think about it. It kinda sounds a little immature to keep saying that. Because number one, the experiences I had with the men I’m specifically thinking of – I have no regrets for those. Number two, I don’t think that it had anything to do with them being available or not, I recently came to the conclusion that they came into my life at a time that I needed them to (and vice versa). And we gave one another exactly what we needed at that moment AND most importantly I’ve remained good friends with them. I don’t think I’m deluding myself. In fact I’m finally at peace. With one of them I was so much at peace with the past that I reached out and actually told him he sucked as a friend, lol… just because I missed talking to him and getting his perspective. AND he did respond and did apologies and did confirm that I’m one of the few important people in his life. He was also the one who reminded me that life is about the journey and not the destination. I know it’s a cliche, but so far I’m enjoying my journey, despite the highs and lows (and I have this blog to remind me of that). I don’t need a destination. I’ve been married already and have my kids. So if spending time with someone I actually like makes me happy… then why overthink everything else? Why not just enjoy the moment?

So back to my prayer… what do I want? Other than the obvious – above all #health for my parents, kids, myself and my friends? You know what God and/or the Universe? Here is my prayer:

Dear Universe:

Please continue to put good people in front of me!

People with whom I can share my love of fitness and yoga in the same breadth as feeding them my cookies and other baked goods (and cooking – which apparently I’m getting better at ;)).

People with whom I can laugh or make laugh on a day that they really need it. Showcase my awesome sense of humour or my sarcasm (I mean come on…. my son dubbed me The Goddess of Sarcasm for a reason, lol)

Wise people from whom I can learn and because of whom I grow to be an even better human being. And hopefully vice versa…. Hopefully some of that wisdom rubs off on me and I can impart it (with no agenda or self-importance or self-righteousness)

People to love freely and effortlessly. To be there for them in the good, the bad and the ugly. During the highs and the lows. And vice versa. To give to selflessly because they deserve it.

I think Dear Universe that if you continue to put good people in front of me then anything is possible. Then I’ll be okay. Then I’ll continue to love, share, laugh and give freely of myself.

YES… that’s my prayer for now! Keep me grounded, keep me positive, keep me good!

Miss you cous!

xox