If I write it black on white, will it hurt a little less? I find myself screaming silently FUCK FUCK FUCK….

My mind is both blank and in pain simultaneously … As is if I’m forcing it not to feel…

You do realize that everything we feel, we actually feel in our brain – at least these are signals from our brain… We just think we feel in our hearts. I have this ongoing battle in my brain. Strength and common sense versus heart and feelings. Who wins? That truly depends on the day!

in the meantime it’s 10:22pm and I’m in bed willing myself to fall asleep… Hoping that sleep will bring an escape… A Break from this inner battle…

Maybe for a few hours I can get a break from how much it hurts 😔