Hi Cus!

I can’t wait for our Skype date next week, but in the meantime I need to write. It’s almost 1:30 am and tomorrow (actually today) I need to work! I’m making up for 4 vacation days and work is piling up and is crazy busy… thank god I still love it :)!

I met this incredibly beautiful soul… except that something from within was taken from her when she was 9. Actions that lasted 3 years AND left demons for a lifetime. A lifetime of struggle and pain. A lifetime of figuring out how to survive the pain… then again, she doesn’t feel. But she does, in her own way. She feels enough to care about not hurting the people around her. Maybe she can’t love, yet she expresses love in her own way. Because she cares… so if she cares… she still feels… even if it feels like she doesn’t.

I’m blessed to have met her, but feel a little selfish. I feel like I’m getting something from having met her. She has let me in and opened my eyes and for that I feel blessed. When I leave here in a few days I won’t be able to take her with me, but she will be in my heart and my head. And I hope that she will continue to let me in and that she’ll believe it when I say “Call me anytime! I don’t care if it’s 3am!” I also hope that she will bestow upon me the gift of a lifetime of friendship. That she will stay. In return I’ll just remind her that she is a beautiful and loveable person. And that she is a good mom, doing the best that SHE can for her kids. I know that she struggles, but again, she is doing the best that she can in spite of the hand that she was dealt.

So tell me cus… how do I protect my children? How do I help them grow into beautiful souls? Into intelligent, loving, good and compassionate human beings? How do I teach them that it takes only a moment in time… one act… to change someone’s life – for better or worst. OR even their own lives for that matter? I don’t need nor want them to be perfect. BUT I need for myself to give them the tools to navigate this world. To feel – whether love, pain, disappointment, anger, frustration or joy – and to rise through it all. To survive. To make mistakes and learn from them. To learn from experiences and have no regrets. How do I teach them who and how to trust? Teach them about friendship? That sometimes friendships come and go. That people enter or exit our lives for a reason.

God I hope I don’t fuck this up…as I navigate parenthood on my own!

Love you cus!
xox

Me