Hi Cous!

It’s Friday night and I’m watching Crazy, Stupid, Love and damn it’s turning me on. Or maybe it’s Ryan Gosling that is turning me on? Or maybe it’s the idea of two people connecting… you know.. when you meet that person you can speak with through the night until dawn?

So don’t judge me, but I was sick this week and tired, and slightly down and lonely so I decided to upload Tinder again. I figured I’ll swipe and see if there are any matches, and if there are any, I’ll just wait and see if the man reaches out (many don’t)… In the meantime two have and one asked if I want to meet next week. And well.. I’m almost tempted to shut it down again, remove it from my phone and disappear without telling them why. Because the truth is I just can’t afford to even go out on dates. Sure, they might pay for the drinks or what not, but parking or taxi or uber still costs money.

I carefully wrote down what I’m bringing in the next two weeks versus what my expenses are and already I’m in the minus – meaning I need to scramble and figure out how to make all these payments and have enough for some groceries and gas (at least until the next pay cheque in 2 weeks time). And it’s only Friday. So you see, I can’t even go out. I shouldn’t even bother signing up for any of those speed dating opportunities I see. What’s the point. And I’m seating on my couch and I’m tired and I’m down and I’m lonely. All I have at night after the kids go to sleep are the movies and characters to live vicariously through.

So the tears are streaming down my face. I’ve been nursing the same headache since Wednesday. And I feel a sense of helplessness except that I know I’m stronger than that. Aha… f*** it! Maybe I should just delete the app and just use my vibe more.  Read more. Bake more. Drink more (okay,  maybe not, lol)… what a pathetic post.. but it is what it is.

‘Night!

Me