Hi!

It’s 1:15am and I just came back from watching a movie by myself. First time ever! It wasn’t too bad actually. I was going to email you to let you know that I did that (it’s no biggie for you – it’s something you do frequently). But I stopped myself. I’m trying to stay away from you. From contacting you. Haven’t talked to you since I last saw you two weeks ago. Anyways… this post is not about you!

I miss my babies! It’s weird… I never thought that becoming a mom would define me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I have girlfriends whose life revolves around the kids 24/7 and truthfully, that’s not me. I do need to escape motherhood from time to time. I need to feel like a woman. A beautiful, sexy and sensual single woman and not “mom”. I’m sure I have girlfriends who feel that way too, but I also have some who are happy with a full-time 24/7 mom role. And I’m not judging them.

The point is that now that they have been gone for a month I realised just how much I do miss them. I miss doing things with them and for them. And you know what? I actually do miss being “mom”! Suddenly I feel like hey.. it is who I am… It IS an important part of my identity and it defining (at least part of) my identity is a positive thing. It’s not a bad thing. I don’t think I ever claimed it to be a bad thing, I just felt like it wasn’t really me. But now I realise that we each define parenthood differently – approach it differently. We are all unique mothers and embrace our role differently. We all love our kids! But my “ahah” moment was realising that i actually do miss that mother part of me.  Loving them, taking care of them, doing things with them. Thinking of what to do with them, for them. What to cook and bake for them. Buying them what they need, clothes, supplies, registering them for extra curricular activities, etc….

It’s weird .. that’s why I say that there is comfort in reality. Reality is routine… and sometimes routine can feel very mundane but sometimes there is a comfort in it – especially for kids.. So I don’t know… maybe it’s a new discovery for me, an epiphany – call it what you will.. that I kind of dig this motherhood thing and I miss it! Although I’m sure they’ll come back and after a while I’ll have my moments of “can someone please give me a break and take them for a bit” lol… But it’s nice.. it’s nice to know that I am a mother. It’s kind of a nice validation too! Sometimes you need it from yourself. You know it’s nice to hear it from your own mom “I’m proud of you and I think you are doing a good job”. It’s nice to hear it from your girlfriends -the ones whose words actually mean something. But I guess that sometimes is nice to hear it from yourself. So yeah motherhood rocks – through the ups and downs.. the ups always outweigh the downs. God how I miss them.

Good night!

Me Xx